Love, Violence, and Glue?

December 4, 2007

Imagine the scene – You are standing in the kitchen with your partner on a cold winter evening over the holidays. You get in one of those mega arguments . You call her fat, she calls you mean, tears are shed and voices are raised. She’s swinging her arms and trying to slap at you, you are trying to hold her still. Next thing you know she’s holding a knife…and wham… crazy bitch cuts you. Bloods everywhere. Previously there were only two courses of action.

Option 1: Go to the hospital before you bleed to death/pass out. Basically admit to the world you got owned. Since everyone will know what happened you will be forced to break up.

Option 2: Bleed to death/pass out. She’ll feel really bad for a few days, but won’t respect you anymore so you can expect more beatings for the duration of the relationship. You’ll be forced to stay with her forever because you feel like you can’t do any better.

But now there is an option 3..

Option 3: super glue up the cut and be a man about it. face the possibility of a banging scar and a nasty infection (thats what antibiotics are for anyway). she is so relieved you are okay, and so happy you are not going to the police/hospital, that you can expect some serious sex and attention from the crazy bitch.

Call it the secret life of Super Glue.

(NyTimes: Link)

During the Vietnam War, emergency medics began using the all-purpose glue to seal

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battle wounds in troops headed for surgery. The glue was so good at stemming bleeding that it was credited with saving many lives.

Nowadays, professional athletes often close small cuts with Super Glue or similar products to get back in the game in a hurry. The glues are also used by veterinarians, and many people keep a tube around the house to help them out of a medical pinch. It is believed that the glues — made from the chemical cyanoacrylate — not only stop bleeding quickly, but also lead to less scarring.

So should you keep some Super Glue in the medicine cabinet? Probably not, experts say. Studies show that although the glue can be useful in emergencies, it can also irritate the skin, kill cells and cause other side effects, particularly when used on deep wounds.

There is a safer alternative. In 2001, the Food and Drug Administration approved a similar, antibacterial form of the substance called 2-octyl-cyanoacrylate, which is marketed as Dermabond.


Boxing is NOT for wimps

November 8, 2007

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I like to pretend I’m a tough guy, but I found out recently that I am indeed a big wimp.  The true tough guys are the athletes that can slug it out for 12 rounds.   I sustained two boxing injuries this week and I am almost ready to hang up my gloves.

The first incident was Monday night.  My dad and I were watching the Kessler v. Calzaghe super middleweight fight (pictured above) while making dinner.  It was an intensely good fight, that had heart, power, speed, bravado, and endurance.  Both men held the 12 rounds without slowing and were true entertainers.  The fight was so engaging that we proceeded to burn the pot we were cooking dinner in and had to put it outside to get the smell out of the house.  Calzaghe was just better, Kessler fought well but he just wasn’t as good of a fighter.  Both were previously undefeated.  If you are wondering how I got hurt watching tv, let me explain.  When a fight is good, my dad and I usually jump around imitating the boxers and swing around wildly.  We were boxing around during the breaks between rounds and one of his punches slide up my hand cutting my finger.  Now that stung a little at the time, but was no big deal.  Until a few hours later when it was clearly already infected.  I must have got some super fast bacteria in it.  It felt like it was on fire and ached to touch it, but a couple days of cleaning and neosporin and it is all good now (except a red badge of courage where the cut is).

The second incident was last night.  I was walking down the hallway with my mom, and made fun of her not being able to catch me (she was yelling about killing me or something).  Then I turned and was organizing my school papers that were on the couch.  I didn’t know she was doing anything in particular, and she thought I was going to run away.  So she turns and swings full out thinking I will be out of reach or something.  Instead she decks me in the face.  At first the impact was so intense I thought I would fall, but I was able to catch myself.  I was relieved that I hadn’t fallen.  Then I opened my eyes and was so dizzy I fell.   So my 60 year old my was able to knock my ass down with one punch.  Then once I got up and still had all my teeth, my mom laughed for the next hour and told me it was my fault.