Loveline: The Big Break Up Edition

February 1, 2008

Being dumped can be terrible. Dumping someone can be terrible. While neither party is happy during the dumping, in the long run both may be happier. Well there is an awesome website “So You’ve Been Dumped

It covers all the important bases of dumping, like what books to read or music to listen to. It has humor and advice. It has good break lines (some good in the true sense, but mostly good in the funny sense).  For example, the site suggests Billie Holiday’s –“Good Morning Heartache ” as a post break up song. I would like to share my suggestion, Ani Difranco’s “untouchable face”.  One of the books it suggests is Exorcising Your Ex – Elizabeth Kuster . My suggestion is It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken – Greg and Amiira Behrendt.

Harsh Break Up Lines:

“Dating you is killing who I am.”

“I have lost all romantic feelings for you completely, and I desire no future relationship with you.”

“She’s exactly like you used to be – before you became a bitch.”

“I think you love me more than I love you.”

“The longer we are together, the less serious I am about you.”

“I don’t think you have it in you to be a good mother. When I thought about marrying you, I only thought about whether you’d make a good wife…I didn’t think about whether you’d make a good mother too.”

“Really, it’s not you, I’m just going through a selfish phase…”

“I think we have three choices: 1) stay together, 2) take a break, or 3) break up entirely, and I want 2 or 3.”

Nicole’s Top Five Tips for Breaking Up

1.  Tell your mutual friends what you are thinking, make them swear to secrecy, and then give it a little time, at least one of them will give him/her a heads up.  Maybe they will dump you first, or at least they won’t look like a deer in the headlights.

2.  DO NOT START DATING ANYONE ELSE until it is completely over, if you have already started dating someone else then LIE

3.  Cry before they do.

4.  If you do it close to a holiday, you are a jerk and yes you still have to get a present.

5. His/Her friends, relatives, and coworkers are off limits for a time period equal to or greater than the duration of your relationship (exception-when your ex gets engaged/married)


Plenty Good Sex

January 24, 2008

I thought I would quickly share something random I learned yesterday.

Researcher Alan Hirsch, MD found that the combined aromas of cucumber and Good & Plenty candy and the scent of baby powder tied for first place in a study that tested which scents aroused women the most. Hirsch wrote in his study, “My advice to men would be throw away the cologne and get some Good & Plenty”.

To make it more gay friendly, lets say “My advice to people who like women would be to gets some Good and Plenty”


Sex and the City Movie

December 7, 2007

The trailer you’ve all been waiting for is here:


Love, Violence, and Glue?

December 4, 2007

Imagine the scene – You are standing in the kitchen with your partner on a cold winter evening over the holidays. You get in one of those mega arguments . You call her fat, she calls you mean, tears are shed and voices are raised. She’s swinging her arms and trying to slap at you, you are trying to hold her still. Next thing you know she’s holding a knife…and wham… crazy bitch cuts you. Bloods everywhere. Previously there were only two courses of action.

Option 1: Go to the hospital before you bleed to death/pass out. Basically admit to the world you got owned. Since everyone will know what happened you will be forced to break up.

Option 2: Bleed to death/pass out. She’ll feel really bad for a few days, but won’t respect you anymore so you can expect more beatings for the duration of the relationship. You’ll be forced to stay with her forever because you feel like you can’t do any better.

But now there is an option 3..

Option 3: super glue up the cut and be a man about it. face the possibility of a banging scar and a nasty infection (thats what antibiotics are for anyway). she is so relieved you are okay, and so happy you are not going to the police/hospital, that you can expect some serious sex and attention from the crazy bitch.

Call it the secret life of Super Glue.

(NyTimes: Link)

During the Vietnam War, emergency medics began using the all-purpose glue to seal

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battle wounds in troops headed for surgery. The glue was so good at stemming bleeding that it was credited with saving many lives.

Nowadays, professional athletes often close small cuts with Super Glue or similar products to get back in the game in a hurry. The glues are also used by veterinarians, and many people keep a tube around the house to help them out of a medical pinch. It is believed that the glues — made from the chemical cyanoacrylate — not only stop bleeding quickly, but also lead to less scarring.

So should you keep some Super Glue in the medicine cabinet? Probably not, experts say. Studies show that although the glue can be useful in emergencies, it can also irritate the skin, kill cells and cause other side effects, particularly when used on deep wounds.

There is a safer alternative. In 2001, the Food and Drug Administration approved a similar, antibacterial form of the substance called 2-octyl-cyanoacrylate, which is marketed as Dermabond.


K-I-S-S-I-N-G

November 7, 2007

I thought what better way to get through hump day, than a little kissing trivia. Enjoy!

  • The average person will spend an estimated 20,160 min kissing in their lifetime.
    Ancient Egyptians never kissed with their mouths. Instead they kissed with their noses.
  • Kissing helps reduce tooth decay because the extra saliva helps clean out your mouth
  • On Valentine’s Day 2004, 5,122 Philippine coupes gathered together at midnight and locked lips. This kissathon beat the previous world record of 4,445 set in January in Chile.
  • The Chinese didn’t kiss until the practice was introduced by Westerners, and they’re still not very keen on it.
    You burn 26 calories in a one minute kiss.
  • Kissing releases the same neurotransmitters (chemical messengers in the brain) as those that are released when you engage in intense exercise such as running a marathon or skydiving. This causes your heart to beat faster and your breathing to become deep and irregular.
  • Our brains have special neurons that help us find each others lips in the dark
  • The science of kissing is called philematology.
  • There are many strange laws regarding kissing that are still on the books. In Indiana, it is illegal for a man with a moustache to “habitually kiss human beings”. And in Hartford, CT, it is illegal for a man to kiss his wife on a Sunday.
  • In Naples, Italy in the 16th century, kissing was an offence that carried the death penalty.
    Onur Guentuerkuen of Ruhr-University Bochum in Bochum, Germany, studied hundreds of couples kissing.
  • In his study, he found that two-thirds of people turn their heads to the right when kissing.
  • On Valentine’s Day 2004, an Italian couple made their way into the record books with a 31-hour 18-minute Valentine kiss. The couple beat the previous record by 18 minutes and 33 seconds, however, the man had to receive oxygen afterwards.

When Gays Marry Kids Get Dumb

November 6, 2007

Blue Jersey is airing some pro gay marriage ads over the next two weeks. They are not very in your face or controversial. They are simple civil unions are not the same as marriage arguments. They are cute. Hopefully they will be effective. But as many of you know gay marriage is not one of my top political priorities so I will not get on my high horse right now. (Keep in mind, I do believe gays should be able to get married. If they want that headache, they should be entitled to it).

What this post is about is effective political advertising. I came across this ad a while ago, but was unable to find a working link to it when I last looked for it. Today when I was watching the Blue Jersey ads, this came up on the youtube side bar. I think this anti-gay marriage ad is troubling because it exploits children. I find it disturbing because I found the children cute, even though they were spewing discrimination (albeit taught to them by some adult).  But what it really makes you question are where are their parents.  In a twisted way I could understand teaching your children hate, if you thought it would save them or it was part of your religious beliefs.  Because it is a parent’s job to do what is best for their children, if a parent honestly believed in the dangers of being gay they should talk to their kids about it.  But to have your child on national television clearly stating your views like political puppets, without regard to how it might affect them in the future.


Breaking News: Gay Money is Still Money

November 6, 2007

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The Wall Street has an interesting article on Las Vegas travel industry’s recent campaign to sway the gay tourists. It has been highly publicized lately that gay and lesbian travelers tend to come from higher income homes, travel more frequently, and spend more while on vacation.  It makes sense to me, my friends and I are in general gay (sorry scott) and if we can find two pennies to rub together we go on a trip.  We find a way to take at least one trip a year (usually multiple), even though we are full time students who make almost no money.  People want to tap into the booming “gay travel” market. Even my home city. Right here in the city of brotherly love (and I do mean in the gay way) we have expanding recognition of the gayborhood, print ads in gay publications, and a massive online campaign to encourage gay travelers to check out the historic Philadelphia area. (Plus we have casinos now so visit!).

What is interesting to me is Vegas always seemed a little gay.  It doesn’t really need to gay up its image.  There are 24 hour parties, strip clubs, gambling, and drinking.  It is essentially a circuit party with a lot of straight people.  The shows are outrageous, the performers are divas, and the drag is superb.  I went this summer for a few days with the family and still managed to see an adult lesbian vampire show.  I associated Vegas with wild bachleor parties, spring break, 21st birthdays, and gays.  But in reality there were tons of families and straight married couples when I was there.

I saw a sign in Paris (the hotel) for gay weddings when I was there, but really thought nothing of it.  But the article pointed out a lot of resorts are offering ceremony packages.  I think there would be some serious money if Nevada would legalize gay marriage.

What I look forward to even more than potential hotel deals and a stronger feeling of acceptance in Sin City, is the advertisements.  The early ads I have seen have been very coy with little hints as to the targeted market, not direct “GAYS COME HERE NOW” ads.  I think they are cute, but effective.  One was as simple as two manicured hands cutting a wedding cake, another featured a sink that had two men’s razors on it.  But as the money flows, the ads will get more brazen.  I want to see slutty, stripper filled gay ads.


Q&A with a sex genius/life expert

October 6, 2007

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I love the Men’s Health site. While most of the things I have come across are targeted at men about women, I think they still funny/worthwhile. They have a section of ask the Sex Professor (here) and a section about asking Jimmy The Bartender (here), both provide quality answers to readers questions. But what makes reading the questions so enjoyable is sometimes the readers ask the weirdest/grossest/funniest/or most obvious questions. The experts take them in stride and provide helpful, well phrased answers. On the actual site the Sex Expert answers hundreds of questions about every range of sexuality, including positions, techniques, history, science, and relationship advice. Jimmy The Bartender gives out general life advice, mainly related to relationships but also about friendship, parenting, and dealing with co workers. He gives surprisingly good answers and deals with some serious problems like alcoholism and death. To give you a sampling, I have listed a question with a funny/obvious answer, a weird question, a TMI question, a medicine question and a good to know anatomical question. To give you a heads up, this artice is for adults. They talk about naughty bits.

Q: My girlfriend knows that I bought her an engagement ring, and ever since, she’s been acting bitchy. Is she going to say no?

Jimmy The Bartender® Answers:
Other night, taking the subway home, I’m waiting on the platform. I’m waiting, and waiting. Half an hour, then 40 minutes, and I think, I could’ve walked home by this time. Was I annoyed? Yes. But I also knew that it was a mistake to leave, because I knew it was going to come eventually, and I really wanted to ride that train. I think your girlfriend feels the same way. Women are gentle creatures. I think if she were going to say no, she would’ve left by now to spare you some embarrassment. My guess is that she’s just antsy. She wants you to pull up, open the doors, and invite her along for a great ride.

Q: Why do wet dreams stop? How can I get them back?Ask the Sex Professor Answers:
Although wet dreams are most common during puberty, for some they continue into adulthood. Dry spells (times of little or no masturbation or sex) can result in wet dreams, so you may need to choose between sleeping and waking orgasms. Wet dreams can also be triggered by friction or a full bladder. If you don’t mind risking a midnight bathroom run, try drinking water before bed to see if your dreams become hyperrealistic.
Q: Ever since my girlfriend started taking birth-control pills, she seems to want sex less often. Are they related?

Jimmy The Bartender® Answers:
Unfortunately, yes. The estrogen contained in most birth-control pills may lower levels of free testosterone, which is associated with libido. Others suggest that the blame may be misplaced, as sexual frequency tends to decline in long-term relationships anyway, Pill or no Pill. Desire and interest may also be influenced by stress, fatigue, depression, medications, and relationship issues. So, if she’s willing, attack the problem on several fronts. Ask about lower-estrogen pills, hit the gym, and consider therapy appointments with either a psychologist or a sex therapist.
Q: I’m hung like a blimp. Even jumbo condoms sometimes break. How can I have safer sex if the condoms I’ve tried don’t work?

Jimmy The Bartender® Answers:
Poor guy. Sometimes a kielbasa can be a curse. Condoms like Lifestyles XL, Trojan Magnum, and Durex XXL give most men the breathing room they need; applying a water- or silicone-based lubricant to the outside (making sure to reapply during particularly long or vigorous bouts of sex) can further reduce friction and breakage risk. If that doesn’t work, a more tailored option is TheyFit condoms, which come in 55 sizes. Download a Fit Kit fromwww.condomania.com.
Q: My girlfriend has extremely hot friends, and we’re going on a beach trip. I’m worried about getting an erection. Is there anything I can do to control it?

Ask the Sex Professor Answers:
It’s best to have a multipronged approach: baggy swim trunks, dips in cool water, Jedi mind tricks (think about work), and a preregistered excuse: Tell your girlfriend you’re worried about driftwood because you can’t stop thinking about how hot she looks in a swimsuit.
Q: My girlfriend says her breasts are too big to have sensitive nipples. Can this be true?

Ask the Sex Professor Answers:
Sure. Larger breasts (C or D cups) are generally less sensitive than smaller ones. It’s thought that there’s some nerve-fiber damage associated with stretched skin and connective tissue. But don’t despair. Though the nipple and areola–which many men focus on–are low on sensitivity, the top of the breast is highly sensitive. Explore her northern hemispheres or, if she’s game, apply flavored, menthol-infused, sensitivity-boosting Bosom Buddy (pureromance.com) to her nipples and areolas. But if she’s not aroused by breast play, move on. You have an entire body to savor.


21 Things Men Need to Know about Women

October 5, 2007

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    I came across a list of 50 things women wished men knew (LINK). These are the ones I personally find true. I love how some are incredibly stereotypical of women and some I think men would have no clue about. But in both situations I think they generally hold true. Obviously not all women are as insecure as some of the list would suggest, but honestly a lot of us are. 

    As always I think many of the “things women wish men knew” is translatable to my gay and lesbian readers.  For lesbians you would think both know everything on the list and would be careful not to hurt each others feelings as  much as straight couples, or that the communication would be somehow better.  But I can tell you first hand that I have done things counter to the list which have gotten me in trouble, and Christina has also not taken the extra second to think where I might be coming from before she says something.  For gay men, you are practically women anyway, just kidding, sorta.  But my gay boys out there, you know you can be sensitive about looks and insecure about if your partner is still into you too.

1. Saying “I love you” immediately before, during, or following sex doesn’t count.

5. I’m convinced I’m pregnant and obsess about it for a minimum of 24 to 48 hours before my period, even when I have no rational reason to think so.

6. I love it when you hug me from behind and whisper in my ear.

9. I’m terrified of becoming my mother, even though I admire her.

13. I’m scared of losing my independence.

15. Oral sex is your get-out-of-the-doghouse-free card. Manolo Blahnik shoes also do the trick.

16. You did something bad. I seem cool with it. I’m not. (See directly above.)

20. When I compare my flabby tummy to a kangaroo pouch, say nothing.

26. If you ask me out directly, I will say yes.

29. When in doubt, go with the shirt that matches your eye color.

31. Women get urinary-tract infections easily, so watch (and wash) your fingers.

33. You’re sexy when you’re shaving, fixing things, wearing a white T-shirt and jeans, driving, eating a peach, holding a baby.

34. I need to hear how you feel about me. Often. Tell me now.

35. Surprises, especially gifts for moi = more loving.

36. I want to be the best thing that ever happened to you–and for you to recognize this.

44. I like porn.

45. I love holding your bum in the palms of my hands.

46. Even nice girls like hushed dirty talk in public.

47. It’s cheating as soon as you’re doing something with her that you wouldn’t want me to see, hear, read…

48. For the record: I’d rather you break up with me than cheat.

49. I remember everything about our relationship.

 

 


Hot Gay Best Friend Sex

October 4, 2007


I got this article from a seedy website. I would link to it, but there are pretty much naked people all over and I don’t want to advertise porn. But I think it actually has some valuable advice for those trying to stage a hook up with their best friends. The advice holds somewhat true for straight and lesbian couples as well, but as the article was target for gay men, I left in the pronouns.

There’s something about best friends. You love them, you share everything with them, but you don’t really want to have hot gay sex. Except maybe once. We’re only human. We’re not made of stone. Emotions can have a habit of over-spilling. And this is one occasion when it’s arguable great first time sex with a ‘new’ partner can happen while quite drunk.

These are the rules:

1. Right now, never mind tomorrow morning or earlier this evening, do you both want to have sex? Or is it just you? Or is it just him? If either of the latter two options applies, stick to the beers until neither of you is any longer capable – You can just drool on to each other about love, like straight friends. If, on the other hand, you really are both up for it, then it could be time for some fun.

2. Do you or does he have a boyfriend? To whom are you or he committed? If there is a one-on-one boyfriend in the background, bear in mind that if you do have sex now you won’t be seeing each other again for about six months – and then it will be boyfriend-chaperoned and distinctly frosty.

3. Do either of you really want a relationship with the other person – and being best friends has been the second best alternative to that? If so, it could be sex will shake it out of your system, or it could be Fatal Attraction time. Up to you.

4. Are you very good at keeping sex and love conceptually separate? Sex and friendship can coexist perfectly well, but if you associate sex with intimate love and commitment you are heading for trouble.

5. Are you going to learn something about your best friend you’d rather you didn’t know? In terms of ‘kink’ and performative preferences, it could be best to have lots of talk about sex beforehand. Like you haven’t.

6. To sum up: will sex be great fun and a way of sharing friendship and bonding, or is it a very big deal? If the latter, press ‘play’ on the next DVD.

7. And finally: Don’t fondle your friend in the morning. That was last night; this is now.

Keep in mind hooking up with your best friend, can be the start of the best relationship of your life or the end of one of the best relationships in your life. But in most cases it will fall in between. Good luck in life and love.