Loveline: The Big Break Up Edition

February 1, 2008

Being dumped can be terrible. Dumping someone can be terrible. While neither party is happy during the dumping, in the long run both may be happier. Well there is an awesome website “So You’ve Been Dumped

It covers all the important bases of dumping, like what books to read or music to listen to. It has humor and advice. It has good break lines (some good in the true sense, but mostly good in the funny sense).  For example, the site suggests Billie Holiday’s –“Good Morning Heartache ” as a post break up song. I would like to share my suggestion, Ani Difranco’s “untouchable face”.  One of the books it suggests is Exorcising Your Ex – Elizabeth Kuster . My suggestion is It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken – Greg and Amiira Behrendt.

Harsh Break Up Lines:

“Dating you is killing who I am.”

“I have lost all romantic feelings for you completely, and I desire no future relationship with you.”

“She’s exactly like you used to be – before you became a bitch.”

“I think you love me more than I love you.”

“The longer we are together, the less serious I am about you.”

“I don’t think you have it in you to be a good mother. When I thought about marrying you, I only thought about whether you’d make a good wife…I didn’t think about whether you’d make a good mother too.”

“Really, it’s not you, I’m just going through a selfish phase…”

“I think we have three choices: 1) stay together, 2) take a break, or 3) break up entirely, and I want 2 or 3.”

Nicole’s Top Five Tips for Breaking Up

1.  Tell your mutual friends what you are thinking, make them swear to secrecy, and then give it a little time, at least one of them will give him/her a heads up.  Maybe they will dump you first, or at least they won’t look like a deer in the headlights.

2.  DO NOT START DATING ANYONE ELSE until it is completely over, if you have already started dating someone else then LIE

3.  Cry before they do.

4.  If you do it close to a holiday, you are a jerk and yes you still have to get a present.

5. His/Her friends, relatives, and coworkers are off limits for a time period equal to or greater than the duration of your relationship (exception-when your ex gets engaged/married)

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Quote of the Day

November 3, 2007

“I don’t think they’re piling on because I’m a woman, I think they’re piling on because I’m winning.

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Let’s talk about SEX

October 23, 2007

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I’m in a quote-y mood tonight. So here are a bunch of quotes about sex.

“I’m a terrible lover. I’ve actually given a woman an anti-climax.” (Scott Roeben)

“Anyone who says that gratuitous sex is no substitute for gratuitous violence obviously hasn’t had enough gratuitous sex.” (Geoff Spear)

“During sex I fantasize that I’m someone else.” (Richard Lewis)

“There is nothing safe about sex. There never will be.” (Norman Mailer)

“There’s nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.” (Lewis Grizzard)

“I read so many bad things about sex that I had to give up reading.” (Anonymous)

“Just saying ‘no’ prevents teenage pregnancy the way ‘Have a nice day’cures chronic depression.” (Faye Wattleton)

“Science is a lot like sex. Sometimes something useful comes of it, but that’s not the reason we’re doing it.” (Richard Feynman)

Let my lusts be my ruin, then, since all else is a fake and a mockery.  ~Hart Crane

“Sex always has consequences. When Hitler’s mother spread her legs that night, she effectively canceled out the spreading of fifteen to twenty million other pairs of legs.” (George Carlin)

“It’s so long since I’ve had sex, I’ve forgotten who ties up whom.”
Joan Rivers

“My girlfiend said to me in bed last night’ ‘you’re a pervert’ I said, ‘that’s a big word for a girl of nine’.”
Emo Philips.

“Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.”
Steve Martin

“My wife is a sex object. Everytime I ask for sex, she objects.”
Les Dawson

“When I’m good I’m very, very good but when I’m bad I’m better.”
Mae West.

For a long time I thought I wanted to be a nun.  Then I realized that what I really wanted to be was a lesbian.  ~Mabel Maney


Breast Cancer Quotes

October 6, 2007

I figured I would put these up in honor of Breast Cancer awareness month. I keep seeing the pink ribbons everywhere and we are doing a lot at school for raising money for and awareness of cancer. Also we just did an interesting section of immunology in my infectious disease management class on potential treatments. It was more comprehensive than many schools would include, because it dared to talk about treatments other than chemo, radiation, and surgery. I think the teachers willingness to expose us to the latest science even if the scientific community is still debating it is one of the most positive things about Temple. Because more than likely during the course of our careers these new methods will be used in many places, so while it is important to know the standard treatments it is also important to be aware of new developments. http://www.unitedforpink.com/ has many interesting/inspiring stories, medical information, and support forums for Breast Cancer. And I was reading it today and it featured an article of quotes from survivors from all over the country.

Olga Smirnova from Latvia — Be brave, optimistic and never lose your sense of humour. Even bad things sometimes turn into advantages in our life.

Yoko Kameda from Japan — Accept and go through it! Everything is a gift.

Isabelle Traeger from Finland — There is always hope and if hope is trying to leave you, there is always a place for miracles.

Maret Maasalu from Estonia — Believe in yourself.

Olena Iurchenko from Ukraine — Life is beautiful. The greatest joy and value in any woman’s life.

Andrea Doreen Stuart from the United Kingdom — Routine mammograms work!

Ingrid Valles Po from United Arab Emirates — Breast cancer is curable! Enjoy UR Life

Erika Simonic from South Africa — The only thing I have lost is my breast. I have gained: Friends, Love, Opportunities and Weight!!

Nor Azah Adnan from Malaysia — Nothing is more important in life than life itself.

Egle Melinauskiene from Lithuania — I love all women from all the world. With the best wishes.

Kim Whiting from Australia — Ladies are like butterflies. So spread your wings and fly, fly, fly.


Sex Tips

October 3, 2007

I got the message. My two previous sex posts (homemade porn tips, and tips from porn for good girls) were two of my most popular posts ever.

You want sex. Nay, you need sex. Well always looking to please my readers, who are apparently always looking to please someone in their life, I’ve decided to post a more extensive sex tip article. Today I am taking notes from bible of sex tips, Cosmo. Cosmo split the tips into categories: Get Him Riled Up, Feisty Foreplay, Getting it On, His Down There Domain, and Kink it Up. They are tips men sent in for women. Now from the multitude of tips found within their website, I’ve tried to pick what I found the best.

This selection was based on four factors:

  1. Did I feel it was translatable to my gay and lesbian audience well? (I would never forget you kids)
  2. Would I personally find the item sexy or enjoyable?
  3. Did it make sense?
  4. Was it clean enough that I wouldn’t feel bad if kids stumbled on here, but dirty enough to entice my adult readers?

Before you continue, these are tips for adults. For my more adventurous adult readers check out the actual site (Cosmo Article) they have the really juicy tips, with the specifics of what to put where and how to…..

Get Him Riled Up (or Her)

“When I lean in to kiss you, hold the back of my head gently in your hand. It’s tender yet sexy.” – Donny, 34

“The night after I got a big promotion my girlfriend said she was going to give me only oral sex all night.” –Ken, 32.

“If we’re somewhere semi-public and can’t go at each other, press your hips against mine.” –Henry, 25

Feisty Foreplay

“Do what my first girl did: Moan my name while I pleasure you.” –Eddie, 28.

“My current girlfriend treated me to a ‘bed dance’: she had me lie on my back while she slowly rubbed herself along my chest, stomach…” –Arlo, 27

“My girl pretended not to want to kiss me. I had to use my tongue to pry her mouth open passionately.” –Ron, 25

Getting It on

(Most of the tips were too graphic, I picked two tame ones)

“Tell me to get undressed but to keep my tie on. Pull on it to bring me closer to you.” –Ted, 31.

“When you’re near the point of no return, whisper four letter words into my ears –the really dirty ones.” –Fred, 23.

Down There Domain

(too graphic and really only applicable to men)

Kink It Up

“My fiancé will blindfold me and rub her body across my face. I can only use my mouth and tongue to identify what I’m feeling” –Carter, 29.

“One night, my girlfriend stopped the action and pointed to the camera she’d set up in the corner.” –Justine, 21

“My ex would me at local dive bars and pull me into the restroom for raunchy, against-the wall sex.” –Max 21.

“Treat your guy to sex under water. With your bodies feeling so weightless…” –Mark, 29

“Morning sex please” –Charlie, 26

“While we’re driving alone on a back road, ask me to pull over and then jump into my lap. You’ll be fulfilling my teenage fantasy of getting busy in my care.” –Jason, 34.