Hot Chicks With DoucheBags

I have found a new guilty pleasure website. HotChicksWithDouchebags. The site has pictures (with commentary) of the dreaded, but common, club casualty: hot chicks with douchebags. Unbelieveably good looking women with swarmy, greasy men. Hair puffed up, shirt unbuttoned 30k millionaires, drunk frat guys throwing gang signs, and old men trying to score with young girls. Of particular interest is the Douchies, they give out awards for the douchiest of douches.

2007 Douchies

Sex Tips

I got the message. My two previous sex posts (homemade porn tips, and tips from porn for good girls) were two of my most popular posts ever.

You want sex. Nay, you need sex. Well always looking to please my readers, who are apparently always looking to please someone in their life, I’ve decided to post a more extensive sex tip article. Today I am taking notes from bible of sex tips, Cosmo. Cosmo split the tips into categories: Get Him Riled Up, Feisty Foreplay, Getting it On, His Down There Domain, and Kink it Up. They are tips men sent in for women. Now from the multitude of tips found within their website, I’ve tried to pick what I found the best.

This selection was based on four factors:

1. Did I feel it was translatable to my gay and lesbian audience well? (I would never forget you kids)
2. Would I personally find the item sexy or enjoyable?
3. Did it make sense?
4. Was it clean enough that I wouldn’t feel bad if kids stumbled on here, but dirty enough to entice my adult readers?

Before you continue, these are tips for adults. For my more adventurous adult readers check out the actual site (Cosmo Article) they have the really juicy tips, with the specifics of what to put where and how to…..

Get Him Riled Up (or Her)

“When I lean in to kiss you, hold the back of my head gently in your hand. It’s tender yet sexy.” – Donny, 34

“The night after I got a big promotion my girlfriend said she was going to give me only oral sex all night.” –Ken, 32.

“If we’re somewhere semi-public and can’t go at each other, press your hips against mine.” –Henry, 25

Feisty Foreplay

“Do what my first girl did: Moan my name while I pleasure you.” –Eddie, 28.

“My current girlfriend treated me to a ‘bed dance’: she had me lie on my back while she slowly rubbed herself along my chest, stomach…” –Arlo, 27

“My girl pretended not to want to kiss me. I had to use my tongue to pry her mouth open passionately.” –Ron, 25

Getting It on

(Most of the tips were too graphic, I picked two tame ones)

“Tell me to get undressed but to keep my tie on. Pull on it to bring me closer to you.” –Ted, 31.

“When you’re near the point of no return, whisper four letter words into my ears –the really dirty ones.” –Fred, 23.

Down There Domain

(too graphic and really only applicable to men)

Kink It Up

“My fiancé will blindfold me and rub her body across my face. I can only use my mouth and tongue to identify what I’m feeling” –Carter, 29.

“One night, my girlfriend stopped the action and pointed to the camera she’d set up in the corner.” –Justine, 21

“My ex would me at local dive bars and pull me into the restroom for raunchy, against-the wall sex.” –Max 21.

“Treat your guy to sex under water. With your bodies feeling so weightless…” –Mark, 29

“Morning sex please” –Charlie, 26

“While we’re driving alone on a back road, ask me to pull over and then jump into my lap. You’ll be fulfilling my teenage fantasy of getting busy in my care.” –Jason, 34.

Making homemade porn?

UPDATE/EDIT: the tape turned out to be a fake

So the rumor mill was working double yesterday. Supposedly there is an Eva Longoria and Tony Parker sex tape making the rounds. Sexperts are predicting if the tape is authentic it will be the biggest tape since “One Night in Paris”. I may not a sexpert yet, but I know porn. It doesn’t take a genius to tell you that if two hot celebrities are doing it on camera it is going to sell like hotcakes. But now I want to talk about the more serious issue at hand. Homemade porn.

I think making a porn with your partner (a loving, trustable person hopefully whom you have been with for a long time) can be an okay idea. Some people say “no, it’s always a bad idea” but I think in certain situations it can good way to keep your sex life fresh. That said, there needs to be precautions taken that your video never shows up on the web. Because no matter how much you think no one would want to see your imperfect non famous naked ass, someone would watch it. So either only view it on the camera or be prepared to destroy it at the first sign of problems in your relationship. Another more tech way I suggest to protect delicate files is to password protect it, but make sure you only know half the password, and the other person knows half.

Here are some homemade sex tape tips I found:

• Shave and trim before shooting
  
• Cover up leg marks with stockings
  
• Use makeup, but not stage/film quantities
  
• Set the mood while you prepare yourself, feelings come out in photos
  
• Use sex videos and pictures to mimic and act out for inspiration
  
• When solo, use remote controls, self timers, and editing
  
• Find a personal balance between focusing on the camera and focusing on the act
  
• Make full use of available props, toys, and costumes
  
• If the exhibitionist inside starts clawing their way out, make sure you’re down with 2257