UR so Gay

Loveline: The Big Break Up Edition

Being dumped can be terrible. Dumping someone can be terrible. While neither party is happy during the dumping, in the long run both may be happier. Well there is an awesome website “So You’ve Been Dumped”

It covers all the important bases of dumping, like what books to read or music to listen to. It has humor and advice. It has good break lines (some good in the true sense, but mostly good in the funny sense).  For example, the site suggests Billie Holiday’s –“Good Morning Heartache ” as a post break up song. I would like to share my suggestion, Ani Difranco’s “untouchable face”.  One of the books it suggests is Exorcising Your Ex – Elizabeth Kuster . My suggestion is It’s Called a Breakup Because It’s Broken – Greg and Amiira Behrendt.

Harsh Break Up Lines:

“Dating you is killing who I am.”

“I have lost all romantic feelings for you completely, and I desire no future relationship with you.”

“She’s exactly like you used to be – before you became a bitch.”

“I think you love me more than I love you.”

“The longer we are together, the less serious I am about you.”

“I don’t think you have it in you to be a good mother. When I thought about marrying you, I only thought about whether you’d make a good wife…I didn’t think about whether you’d make a good mother too.”

“Really, it’s not you, I’m just going through a selfish phase…”

“I think we have three choices: 1) stay together, 2) take a break, or 3) break up entirely, and I want 2 or 3.”

Nicole’s Top Five Tips for Breaking Up

1.  Tell your mutual friends what you are thinking, make them swear to secrecy, and then give it a little time, at least one of them will give him/her a heads up.  Maybe they will dump you first, or at least they won’t look like a deer in the headlights.

2.  DO NOT START DATING ANYONE ELSE until it is completely over, if you have already started dating someone else then LIE

3.  Cry before they do.

4.  If you do it close to a holiday, you are a jerk and yes you still have to get a present.

5. His/Her friends, relatives, and coworkers are off limits for a time period equal to or greater than the duration of your relationship (exception-when your ex gets engaged/married)

Plenty Good Sex

I thought I would quickly share something random I learned yesterday.

Researcher Alan Hirsch, MD found that the combined aromas of cucumber and Good & Plenty candy and the scent of baby powder tied for first place in a study that tested which scents aroused women the most. Hirsch wrote in his study, “My advice to men would be throw away the cologne and get some Good & Plenty”.

To make it more gay friendly, lets say “My advice to people who like women would be to gets some Good and Plenty”

Sex and the City Movie

The trailer you’ve all been waiting for is here:

Love, Violence, and Glue?

Imagine the scene – You are standing in the kitchen with your partner on a cold winter evening over the holidays. You get in one of those mega arguments . You call her fat, she calls you mean, tears are shed and voices are raised. She’s swinging her arms and trying to slap at you, you are trying to hold her still. Next thing you know she’s holding a knife…and wham… crazy bitch cuts you. Bloods everywhere. Previously there were only two courses of action.

Option 1: Go to the hospital before you bleed to death/pass out. Basically admit to the world you got owned. Since everyone will know what happened you will be forced to break up.

Option 2: Bleed to death/pass out. She’ll feel really bad for a few days, but won’t respect you anymore so you can expect more beatings for the duration of the relationship. You’ll be forced to stay with her forever because you feel like you can’t do any better.

But now there is an option 3..

Option 3: super glue up the cut and be a man about it. face the possibility of a banging scar and a nasty infection (thats what antibiotics are for anyway). she is so relieved you are okay, and so happy you are not going to the police/hospital, that you can expect some serious sex and attention from the crazy bitch.

Call it the secret life of Super Glue.

(NyTimes: Link)

During the Vietnam War, emergency medics began using the all-purpose glue to seal

battle wounds in troops headed for surgery. The glue was so good at stemming bleeding that it was credited with saving many lives.

Nowadays, professional athletes often close small cuts with Super Glue or similar products to get back in the game in a hurry. The glues are also used by veterinarians, and many people keep a tube around the house to help them out of a medical pinch. It is believed that the glues — made from the chemical cyanoacrylate — not only stop bleeding quickly, but also lead to less scarring.

So should you keep some Super Glue in the medicine cabinet? Probably not, experts say. Studies show that although the glue can be useful in emergencies, it can also irritate the skin, kill cells and cause other side effects, particularly when used on deep wounds.

There is a safer alternative. In 2001, the Food and Drug Administration approved a similar, antibacterial form of the substance called 2-octyl-cyanoacrylate, which is marketed as Dermabond.

Breaking News: Gay Money is Still Money

The Wall Street has an interesting article on Las Vegas travel industry’s recent campaign to sway the gay tourists. It has been highly publicized lately that gay and lesbian travelers tend to come from higher income homes, travel more frequently, and spend more while on vacation.  It makes sense to me, my friends and I are in general gay (sorry scott) and if we can find two pennies to rub together we go on a trip.  We find a way to take at least one trip a year (usually multiple), even though we are full time students who make almost no money.  People want to tap into the booming “gay travel” market. Even my home city. Right here in the city of brotherly love (and I do mean in the gay way) we have expanding recognition of the gayborhood, print ads in gay publications, and a massive online campaign to encourage gay travelers to check out the historic Philadelphia area. (Plus we have casinos now so visit!).

What is interesting to me is Vegas always seemed a little gay.  It doesn’t really need to gay up its image.  There are 24 hour parties, strip clubs, gambling, and drinking.  It is essentially a circuit party with a lot of straight people.  The shows are outrageous, the performers are divas, and the drag is superb.  I went this summer for a few days with the family and still managed to see an adult lesbian vampire show.  I associated Vegas with wild bachleor parties, spring break, 21st birthdays, and gays.  But in reality there were tons of families and straight married couples when I was there.

I saw a sign in Paris (the hotel) for gay weddings when I was there, but really thought nothing of it.  But the article pointed out a lot of resorts are offering ceremony packages.  I think there would be some serious money if Nevada would legalize gay marriage.

What I look forward to even more than potential hotel deals and a stronger feeling of acceptance in Sin City, is the advertisements.  The early ads I have seen have been very coy with little hints as to the targeted market, not direct “GAYS COME HERE NOW” ads.  I think they are cute, but effective.  One was as simple as two manicured hands cutting a wedding cake, another featured a sink that had two men’s razors on it.  But as the money flows, the ads will get more brazen.  I want to see slutty, stripper filled gay ads.

Faces of Autism and the Need for Screening

The Andrew Child Photography Project has an exhibit “Faces and Voices of Autism Photo Exhibition”

Presented by May Institute and the National Autism Center. The website has some of the sample photos. Here is one boy’s photo that caught my eye. It is just an intense look that translated well into the photo. It looks like he can just see right through the computer screen.

This is Austin.

“When Austin and I are together, we float away in our bubble. A giant bubble filled with appreciation, love, hope, and laughter. He has this effortless way of making me feel like a child all over again. When I am with him, it’s an escape from a chaotic world filled with noise and ignorance.” — Jessica, Austin’s cousin

 

Most popular news outlets are reporting what I have always supported and many medical practitioners have privately been saying for years, every child should be tested for autism. A condition as common as autism should be considered a priority in early childhood detection. Particularly because autism treated early has much higher rates of success. Additionally it helps parents cope with the process of raising an autistic child if they know that is what is wrong and what resources are out there.

A report from the American Academy of Pediatrics suggests screening every child for autism twice by age 2. The report gives explicit instructions for the warning signs of autism at various ages. Current estimates by the CDC say as many as 1 in 150 children have a form of autism. Read More.

Maybe with some autism education out there, people will stop blaming the MMR vaccine, and more research into a science based cause could be discovered (cough=pollution).

Fat Girls, Gay Boys?

I always knew there was a special relationship between gay boys and fat girls.  Gay guys have fat fag hags.  I have a theory as to why.  It is a three part theory:

1.  Gay boys like to look good, and next to their fag hag they normally good.

2.  Gay boys, like fat girls, have developed a loud/sarcastic sense of humor as a self defense mechanism.

3.   They both want to chat about boys and not fear the person they are talking to is going to steal the boy they like.
But a new movie is taking that relationship to the next level, its about a gay boy finding his inner fat girl.  Check out the trailer for “Fat Girls”:

Too bad he is a raging homo!

Apparently Lance Bass was like the best boyfriend ever. This is a cute/funny little clip. He was on the Tyra show with former girlfriend and Boy Meets World star Topanga (I don’t want to spell her real name wrong). Its about if they did or didn’t have sex.

Q&A with a sex genius/life expert

I love the Men’s Health site. While most of the things I have come across are targeted at men about women, I think they still funny/worthwhile. They have a section of ask the Sex Professor (here) and a section about asking Jimmy The Bartender (here), both provide quality answers to readers questions. But what makes reading the questions so enjoyable is sometimes the readers ask the weirdest/grossest/funniest/or most obvious questions. The experts take them in stride and provide helpful, well phrased answers. On the actual site the Sex Expert answers hundreds of questions about every range of sexuality, including positions, techniques, history, science, and relationship advice. Jimmy The Bartender gives out general life advice, mainly related to relationships but also about friendship, parenting, and dealing with co workers. He gives surprisingly good answers and deals with some serious problems like alcoholism and death. To give you a sampling, I have listed a question with a funny/obvious answer, a weird question, a TMI question, a medicine question and a good to know anatomical question. To give you a heads up, this artice is for adults. They talk about naughty bits.

Q: My girlfriend knows that I bought her an engagement ring, and ever since, she’s been acting bitchy. Is she going to say no?

Jimmy The Bartender® Answers:
Other night, taking the subway home, I’m waiting on the platform. I’m waiting, and waiting. Half an hour, then 40 minutes, and I think, I could’ve walked home by this time. Was I annoyed? Yes. But I also knew that it was a mistake to leave, because I knew it was going to come eventually, and I really wanted to ride that train. I think your girlfriend feels the same way. Women are gentle creatures. I think if she were going to say no, she would’ve left by now to spare you some embarrassment. My guess is that she’s just antsy. She wants you to pull up, open the doors, and invite her along for a great ride.

Q: Why do wet dreams stop? How can I get them back?Ask the Sex Professor Answers:
Although wet dreams are most common during puberty, for some they continue into adulthood. Dry spells (times of little or no masturbation or sex) can result in wet dreams, so you may need to choose between sleeping and waking orgasms. Wet dreams can also be triggered by friction or a full bladder. If you don’t mind risking a midnight bathroom run, try drinking water before bed to see if your dreams become hyperrealistic.
Q: Ever since my girlfriend started taking birth-control pills, she seems to want sex less often. Are they related?

Jimmy The Bartender® Answers:
Unfortunately, yes. The estrogen contained in most birth-control pills may lower levels of free testosterone, which is associated with libido. Others suggest that the blame may be misplaced, as sexual frequency tends to decline in long-term relationships anyway, Pill or no Pill. Desire and interest may also be influenced by stress, fatigue, depression, medications, and relationship issues. So, if she’s willing, attack the problem on several fronts. Ask about lower-estrogen pills, hit the gym, and consider therapy appointments with either a psychologist or a sex therapist.
Q: I’m hung like a blimp. Even jumbo condoms sometimes break. How can I have safer sex if the condoms I’ve tried don’t work?

Jimmy The Bartender® Answers:
Poor guy. Sometimes a kielbasa can be a curse. Condoms like Lifestyles XL, Trojan Magnum, and Durex XXL give most men the breathing room they need; applying a water- or silicone-based lubricant to the outside (making sure to reapply during particularly long or vigorous bouts of sex) can further reduce friction and breakage risk. If that doesn’t work, a more tailored option is TheyFit condoms, which come in 55 sizes. Download a Fit Kit fromwww.condomania.com.
Q: My girlfriend has extremely hot friends, and we’re going on a beach trip. I’m worried about getting an erection. Is there anything I can do to control it?

Ask the Sex Professor Answers:
It’s best to have a multipronged approach: baggy swim trunks, dips in cool water, Jedi mind tricks (think about work), and a preregistered excuse: Tell your girlfriend you’re worried about driftwood because you can’t stop thinking about how hot she looks in a swimsuit.
Q: My girlfriend says her breasts are too big to have sensitive nipples. Can this be true?

Ask the Sex Professor Answers:
Sure. Larger breasts (C or D cups) are generally less sensitive than smaller ones. It’s thought that there’s some nerve-fiber damage associated with stretched skin and connective tissue. But don’t despair. Though the nipple and areola–which many men focus on–are low on sensitivity, the top of the breast is highly sensitive. Explore her northern hemispheres or, if she’s game, apply flavored, menthol-infused, sensitivity-boosting Bosom Buddy (pureromance.com) to her nipples and areolas. But if she’s not aroused by breast play, move on. You have an entire body to savor.